A for Ask

Ask if you want me back

Ask if you want some space

Ask if you want the sunlight to be painted tainted rain

Ask if you want a hug, a pillow fort or some siamese cats

Or silence, some rock metal and a punching bag

Ask if you want me to stop breathing in your face

Because I know my attempt at giving life, has reverse engineered asphyxiation

Ask. Because you have given yourself a 50% chance at this game called life.

Yes. No. Maybe. (A game of russian roulette)

Don’t ask. And it’s a game of tag.

And we are both tired of running

So just Ask.

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Inspired by my English teacher Ms Vijeta and a very close blogger friend, I have decided to take up the A-Z challenge. The goal here is to write a post with all the letters of the alphabet. I have decided that I am going to make this process fun and natural. And I hope as I concoct these ideas from the beginning to the end, we will all draw insights in the process. This series will adopt multiple people’s perspectives and hopefully you can relate to one or two along the way.

D for Diane

Diane was like whimsical rain

A fairy playing with the pursuit of pain

Her laughter pitter pattered like a thousand stars

And the world craved for her like divine scars

She touched the earth like wafery manna

and forever turned the hues of our meadows

And we were never the same again

It wasn’t green

It wasn’t brown

It wasn’t black

It was ethereal white.

The colour of eternal death

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Check out:

A for Ask

B for Break

C for Cranberries

B for Break

Break me like a clay pot,

And let my insides run like muddy river water

To cleanse my miry soul.

Break me like a beating hurricane,

To silence the voices in my head

that threaten to spark a storm.

Break me like a glass vase,

And pick up the pieces with bleeding hands

So I that I would not have to hurt myself again.

Break me like timber guitar,

with a thousand melancholy strings

Before I sing songs that usher our end

Break me before I break you

For me

For you

For us.

Just break me already.

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Check out:

A for Ask

Love bakery

Her bubble gum sky

His cotton candy lies

Her frothy swirls

His candied eyes

Her honey dew curls

His muffin baked scruff

A love so sweet

A crimson scream

Two hands

Two feet

Four hands

Four feet

A bitter feast.

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This poem seeks to encapsulate any relationship or friendship that was bitter-sweet. It started with light and airy pastel hues that slowly changed colors into deeper tones. The comfort, the familiarity, the bakery warm touch forced them to stay together. They convinced themselves, “That they had a love so sweet”. Until one day, the love caved in and turned into crimson screams.

The lines “Two hands. Two feet. Four hands. Four feet. A bitter feast” reveal how when the love turns to pain, the blame game begins. Each person blames the other, but in truth, both had some part in the destructive damage. Either one party stayed for too long or the other left too early. And it is a joint portion to endure, together but alone.

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Picture Credits: Pexels

Wine

She is fine wine

that swirls in clear frosted glass

capturing the gentle swirls of mirth

that life so freely gives;

in inebriated moods.

She is a pretty face

with a deeper soul

that captures smooth stories,

reflecting them in the light

the color of aged scarlet.

She is a mystery unraveled

with a hundred layers

and distinct taste notes,

morphing into healing elixir

for loved ones in need.

She gets more potent

with every sip;

stronger and sweeter,

the longer you keep her

the longer you treasure her

the longer you preserve her.

She is fine wine.

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To all the women out there who add such flavor to all our lives. Let’s raise our glasses to women-hood. Love xoxox

Picture Credits: Pexels

Tornado

I love the metaphor of a sweeping tornado to the extent of overuse. But nevertheless I know how devastating the feeling of being not in control can be. It is often evidenced by this picture of a spiteful tornado hurling life at us, often blocking the very sunlight we so desperately need. It truly feels like we are losing control over the drawstrings of our mind.

But by tuning into three things can help you crawl your way into the eye of the storm, where there is an eerie sense of calm, despite the crazy hurricane. If you feel anxiety next time, try spending a minute on each of the below.

1.Tune into your breath: Feel the ragged breath turning into a warm crests and troughs of comfort and stability.

2. Tune into your heartbeat: Quiet the noise raging and really listen to the pulse of your heartbeat. Reminding that you have purpose, you are alive, you are created for great things.

3. Tune into your sensations: How does your skin feel? Is there warmth or cold? Is there any physical pain or emotional heartache? Do your eyes feel heavy, tear-laden? Do you feel tired or a little jumpy? Embrace these sensation without labeling them as good or bad. Just know that they are yours and just let them be. In feeling, there is release.

Take a moment and notice your aliveness. That surge of muted energy crackling in the center of your body. Like a live wire deep underwater. Can you hear it?

Most of us are caught in the vortex of feeling a lack of control. Whether it is due to social distancing or other people running our lives, or our emotions going for a mayday ride. Everything is raging around us, bills and mortgages and family issues, illness or educational uncertainties. It is easy to go on that scary roller coaster one ride after the other, sometimes even forgetting to breathe.

It is so important to check in with ourselves a few times a day and observe our sense of being. An existence not caused by mere chance. When we hone into this practice of tuning into ourselves, it is a powerful tool in the face of challenges.

But you are in control. Just tune into yourself, a steady tent in the midst of a storm.

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Picture Credits: Pexels

Rejection (Part 2)

Rejection

like jets of

dark blue squid ink

shoot through a

live canvas

sketching a deep seated story

of hushes,

wallows and agonies;

Gently hiding

behind a well manicured veil.

A focal pain point,

an unknown story

an unheard cry

branching off into

a myriad of possible endings,

like varicose veins

painting a story

that only you can feel

but not change,

As you smile through the pain

And paint your skin

a bright canary yellow;

your sunscreen against the world.

When the day is done

and you’re finally back in bed

You let your skin breathe

It’s icy,

the unmistakable colour

Blue.

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Click here to read, Rejection Part 1.

Trying to capture the feeling of rejection is a difficult thing to do. It is an emotion that doesn’t receive enough empathy because it is a very personal experience, unique to the individual and therefore hard to express. Vocalising it always feels like injustice because it is an emotion that is embodied rather than easily expressed, like a thin film of blue light.

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Picture Credits: Pexels

Anxiety

I inhaled the froth of the hurling ocean

and bottled it up in a safe place;

the pit of my belly.

I let the breath of my nostrils

fill white billowed sails;

Lungs constricted.

I swallowed butterflies

that fluttered and lay restless;

trapped in my heart.

I danced with a forbidden tornado

in swirling gusts and turns;

my thought vortex.

I cried with an unbridled passion

of things past and of things to come;

blood tinged tears.

The end seems near

My eyesight gets blur

The body trembles,

sinking into the quicksand.

The next day I wake up smiling,

strolling by the quiet beach

the air back in my lungs

remembering,

whispering,

“Thank God I never drowned at sea”

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Anxiety feels real to the body and mind and let nobody invalidate your experience. For everyone who has ever been through it or is still going through it, your are a fighter at sea, weathering storms no one might see. I know it is hard but you will get through it and the same seas that tormented you will be a quiet reflection of your inner strength. Never give up because you are not alone and when you feel discouraged always remember, “Sailors never drown at sea”.

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Picture Credits: Pexels

Tried the Pomodoro Technique for a week. Does it actually work?

For anyone who has ever encountered a smack-in the-face motivation slump is sure to have googled productivity hacks. And probably the first thing that pops up is this honestly over generic tactic called the Pomodoro Technique. And let’s be honest, we all like to read pages and pages about productivity just to escape the current set of assignments piling up on our desks. But I wanted to put this to test.

The Pomodoro technique is a time management technique that is supposed to help with efficiency by breaking time into work and rest-time chunks. You set a timer for 25 minutes, and work uninterrupted with lazer focus on one task and then take a compulsory break for 5 mins. After 4 rounds of the same cycle, you get a longer break. And you can repeat it depending on how much you want to get done for the day. 

 So here goes an honest review of the Pomodoro technique 

Does Pomodora work in the long term?

I was pretty skeptical because I thought it would work for a few sessions and then lose its charm and I would go back to lounging on my bed instead of studying. But I would say that it works 80% of the time and this is directly related to your own mood and distraction permeability. For this to work you need to consciously eliminate distractions for those 25 mins or else the method is pointless. Close the door, hide the snacks, chain the phone. Do whatever it takes and make sure the ergonomics support you. The second thing is goal clarity. Unless you break the work up into small actionable chunks, you are going end up feeling vague and demotivated throughout the work session.

Are these 25 minute time chunks a magic formula?

What I like about this technique is that the time of 25 mins, creates a time pressure, suddenly making time more valuable by forcing you to engage with the present. And usually, you would waste 3 to 4 hours on your phone, but suddenly your brain is like, “I can’t waste this precious 25 mins of my life. Let’s do this”. I don’t get the complete logic but it happens and I just embrace it. Especially for people prone to anxiety, this is like some thought freeze formula. Because for me personally, I stop thinking of all the things I have to do in the future and just focus on getting the task in front of me done, especially because I don’t want to be doing this task forever. This is also the best technique to actually get started even if the goal or work seems daunting and challenging. You can just tell yourself I will do just one pomodoro session and then keep it aside. Chances are that you might continue. Additionally using an app like pomodoro timer, helps you to reassign your work and rest time chunks according to your preference. You can have 45 min work chunks and a 10 min breaks too. It’s all upto you.

What’s the deal with the breaks? 

Since some of us are on a constant break or some of us are overworking ourselves to the bone, the concept of a break seems ludicrous. Especially when you have long sessions of studying to do, we don’t realise how much physical and mental strain we can put ourselves through. These compulsory breaks not only help us to recharge but also move our joints and rest our eyes which is so needed. Another neat thing that happens during the study session is that you might think of all the hundred other things that you need to do or should do right now. Take a sheet of paper, label it as your distraction sheet and just write all the things that pop into your mind and get back to working. This could be, “I need to fold my laundry” or “I wanted to download that new movie” or  “I need a glass of water” or “I need to check up on that friend”. Suddenly these breaks are also optimised because you can carry out these little things that you want to do as fast and efficiently as possible. And when you head to bed, you do feel less drained because you have taken clean-cut breaks during the day while still accomplishing a lot. 

Okay sounds good but what are the drawbacks?

This technique works for studying or working when you have control over your day or time. For example, you’re working from home on a writing project or you have study holidays to prepare for an upcoming test. But say you have an unstructured day or your work is sort of spontaneous, where you have answer calls or attend meetings, there might not be a flow which could be very frustrating. But if you ever have an hour or two completely free and you want to optimise your work, this technique definitely works. There is also a tendency to keep working even when the timer goes off especially if we are in the middle of a task. If it is quick wrap up, it is okay to finish it but non-adherence to the time devalues the technique where you don’t keep to it as strictly subsequently and ultimately you might just give up following through.

After saying all that, I urge you to try this Pomodoro technique by adhering to the time strictly and let me know if does anything to your productivity!!!

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Picture Credits: Pexels